Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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