You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Randomize
