I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
