Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
