I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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