pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
