The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
