I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
