How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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