the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
