what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
