he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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