why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
