The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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