i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
