and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
