Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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