He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
