I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
