I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
