we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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