her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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