I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
