I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
