she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
