This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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