Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
