She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
