Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
