we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
