Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
