My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
