What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
