he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
