discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
