Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
