so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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