I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
