Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
