now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
