weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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