i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
