did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
