Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
