Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You pole danced in your parka.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
