8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
