I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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