hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
