Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
