I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
