arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
