People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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