So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
how drunk are you?
Several
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
