lets start a swedish sibling band together
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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