I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
